Good evening peoples!
My friend told me how his mom always yells at him because he's "not smart enough" or "not good-looking enough" (by the way, a mom should NEVER say that her kid is ugly. Just saying). She moans and groans over the fact that his memory maybe isn't the best and he doesn't learn as quickly as she would like him to. Heck, she even criticized him for the pimples on the side of his face.
Did you notice that every single one of these criticisms involves a trait that he can't actually a control? In fact, all of these characteristics are genetic. Biologically speaking, half of his DNA comes from his mom, and half from his dad. So inborn traits like bad memory...well, it's not his "fault"; it's either his dad's "fault" or his mom's. So isn't his mom kind of criticizing herself (or her husband)? It's one thing if she had said, "I wish you would work a bit harder" or "be more responsible." That is a reasonable request. It's another matter altogether to blame one's own child for innate qualities like not having a "good memory."
I love parents. I think that they are generally fantastic and wonderful and without them, more kids would die from drunk driving, STD's, and other bad mistakes. I am grateful for parents and their guidance. But I wish the more critical parents would stop and think a bit before they mindlessly insult their own kids - and in the process, unintentionally insult themselves.
Vivian
I don't really know what to say about parents criticizing their children about intelligence since it also has to do with their child's motivation but then again that can be influenced by the parent. As for having pimples or being "ugly," why should a parent be so superficial about something that their child has no control over?
ReplyDeleteYou can work on improving your memory. And this mother is such a stereotypical example of a hardcore critical Asian mother.
ReplyDelete-Bob